Whenever I pass by someone begging for money in the street, I always feel a sense of guilt pouring over me as I hold tightly onto my wallet. It’s not that I don’t want to help, but there are just too many of them and I’m in no luxury to save the whole world from poverty.
Someone rang on the bell today and when I quickly opened the door. I thought to myself, “shoot, I shouldn’t have opened it,” because I realized this Asian girl was selling books from door to door. She started introducing herself as an international college student trying to raise money for her tuition. As I heard my mom yelling in the background to just close the door, I simply couldn’t, because of such sympathy I felt for her situation. I apologized and told her that I’m also a college student, and she pulled out a Christian magazine called Last Generation and asked for a small donation again. I let her down again, and she offered to give me a prayer of blessing. I told her I was a Christian and that it’s fine, but she kept insisting that I close my eyes and started praying…
Dear father in heaven… Although he isn’t buying the book… I pray that you would be with his family… Jesus name I pray, Amen.
She left with a smile and I felt ashamed of myself, for being unwilling to help her in any kind of amount, and for calling myself a Christian on top of that. I took her magazine, yet I gave nothing in return, not even a smile. I envy her boldness in going from door to door praying for strangers, all by herself. If I had a chance to see her again, I’d like to support her and pray for her instead.
I just noticed that the bible verse of the day says this:
Honor the LORD with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce; then your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will be bursting with wine. (Proverbs 3:9-10, ESV)
This isn’t a coincidence, I screwed up. I can’t help it but to notice myself for being so willing to spend however amount of money for the things that I want, but none for those who are in need. I’d like to be a giving tree.